Home At Last

Just wanted you all to know that Asshole came home at 10:00. He was actually working that late. He came home exhausted and hungry.

At least I know he is safe.

Blah

So, here I sit. Alone again. Typical Saturday night.

Asshole went to work at 7 this morning. Haven't heard from him since. I am assuming he is not coming home again tonight.

Buttboy is over at a friends. The Brat is watching Home Alone. And I am surfing the internet, trying not to go eat everything in the kitchen.

I have lost 15 pounds. Only 25 more to go before August 5. I better make it. I am doing Walk Away The Pounds for an hour every day. If I ever get the money, I will get my treadmill fixed and I will start walking on that at least an hour every day.

I am doing the 3 mile walk this week. It is exhausting, but I know it will get easier with time. I just need to keep remembering how badly I want to look good for We-Fest this year.

I need to start jumping on the trampoline on a more regular basis. But when it rains every day, and temps can't get above 50, it is a little difficult. Surprised it isn't snowing it is so cold.

Damn! I just realized I forgot to buy a Powerball ticket today. So much for leaving all this behind and moving to Australia.

Yes, I said Australia. That is my dream. I want to go to Australia. At least for a year or two. Maybe permanently. I don't know why I am so drawn to Australia. Some people say it is because in a past life I lived there. Others say it is because I'm insane. I don't know why, I just know I want to go there. More than any other place on Earth.

I have set myself a goal for the next year. I want to learn to ride a motorcycle. I have ridden a 3-wheeler, so a motorcycle shouldn't be that hard, right? Anyone willing to teach me? I need to loose the weight first though. Nothing worse than a fat woman on a Harley.

Say what???

These people took fertility drugs in order to get pregnant. They have twins from the first round. But that wasn't enough so they took drugs again, and now have sextuplets. A total of 8 kids.

But they would not even consider aborting some of them (which I agree with) because: 'I don't think this is an accident. I think that God chose us, for whatever reason, to be the parents of twins and sextuplets,' she said.

Okay, I agree with her decision not to abort them, but her reasoning? If God had wanted them to have that many babies, don't you think he would have let her get pregnant without drugs?

Sounds kind of stupid to me.

The Friday Foofah!

Found via ShaunaCat

The Friday Foofah!

1. It's late at night, you're alone at the computer and everybody else is fast asleep. Suddenly you hear the unmistakable sound of the front door creaking open. What do you do?

Well, since the computer is in my lap and the front door is right next to my chair, I would probably turn around ask who the hell is opening my door? And probably a few other choice words.

2. You're sound asleep dreaming of pleasant things when you hear a loud roar 'I am Sambooza, and you are...lunch!' What do you do?

Try and wake up?

3. You're walking to the grocery store on a sunny, cloudless day. You suddenly notice that oddly enough, there's nobody else on the streets. Just as you're pondering over that, it gets dark, as if something huge had covered the sun. You look up and see - what?

Stephen King's face.

Bad Songs (Pt 2)

19. You're The Inspiration - Chicago No way!!! This is a beautiful song.
18. Pumps And A Bump - Hammer
17. I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred This one is really cheesy, but I like it. It does belong on here.
16. Final Countdown, The - Europe
15. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm - Crash Test Dummies
14. Will 2K - (featuring K-Ci) - Will Smith
13. Barbie Girl - Aqua
12. Hangin' Tough - New Kids on the Block Did they have a good song?
11. Rico Suave - Gerardo Definitely belongs on this list!
10. Heart Of Rock & Roll, The - Huey Lewis They said this one was on here because he "sold out". Still a good song.
9. Don't Worry Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin, Various Artists This one belongs in a category all it's own. Barf!
8. She Bangs - Ricky Martin Ricky must have had a bad day when he decided to do this song.
7. Party All The Time - Eddie Murphy Stick to standup, Eddie
6. Breakfast At Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something I actually like this song. Quite a lot.
5. Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice This man is a disgrace. Who told him he could rap with a Jersey accent?
4. Rollin' (Urban Assault Vehicle) - Limp Bizkit
3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight - Wang Chung My kids like this song. I have never liked it.
2. Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus Definitely Top 10
1. We Built This City - Starship This is an excellent song. Does not belong on this list, let alone #1

Bad Songs (Pt 1)

I don't think all of there are the 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs...Ever

50. Sunglasses At Night - Corey Hart I remember this song. It was kind of cool.
49. I'll Be Missing You - (featuring 112) - Puff Daddy & The Family
48. Can I Touch You...There? - (previously unreleased) - Michael Bolton No comment
47. Something In Common - (with Whitney Houston) - Bobby Brown
46. Two Princes - Spin Doctors
45. Sorry 2004 - Ruben Studdard I never did like him
44. We Didn't Start The Fire - Billy Joel I love Billy Joel
43. Make Em Say Uhh #2 - Master P
42. Cotton Eye Joe - (radio version) - Rednex
41. Some Girls (Dance With Women) - JC Chasez
40. What's Up - 4 Non Blondes
39. Informer - Snow
38. Mesmerize - (featuring Ashanti) - Ja Rule
37. From A Distance - Bette Midler This is another one I like
36. I Wanna Sex You Up - Color Me Badd
35. Heartbeat - Don Johnson This should have been #1
34. Butterfly - Crazy Town
33. Jenny From The Block - (featuring Jadakiss/Styles) - Jennifer Lopez Okay, I have to agree with this one, too
32. Broken Wings - Mr. Mister I love this song. I sing along every time I hear it
31. You Remind Me Of Something - R. Kelly
30. Pimp Juice - Nelly
29. I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That) - Meat Loaf I know this song by heart, but I do think it belongs on here
28. Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley
27. Rump Shaker - Wreckx n Effect
26. Only Thing That Looks Good On Me Is You, The - Bryan Adams
25. You Rock My World - Michael Jackson
24. Sussudio - Phil Collins I like this song. It's fun.
23. Thong Song - Sisq
22. Dancing On The Ceiling - Lionel Richie Pretty cheesy song
21. - I'll Be There For You (Theme From 'Friends') - The Rembrandts This is a fun song. I like it.
20. Courtesy Of The Red, White And Blue (The Angry American) - Toby Keith This is just wrong!!!

Fishing Opener

Tomorrow is Fishing Opener here in the Great State of Minnesota.

There is a frost watch in effect for tonight. Should be about 26F out on those lakes tomorrow morning. You might even get to see some snowflakes.

It is great Walleye Weather.

As for me - I'll wait for Monday and 70F.

Waterville

Okay, you aren't who I thought you were. (Sorry, Amanda)

So, if you are reading this from Waterville - WHO ARE YOU?

Just curious.

My Daughter

My daughter (affectionately known as The Brat) is turning 10 next month. She has grown almost 2 inches in the last 6 weeks. Her body is starting to change and nothing fits anymore.

Oh yeah, did I mention she has discovered boys?

All boys. Doesn't even matter if they are her age. My son (known as Buttboy) is 17. Today he has two of his buddies over playing Halo on the XBox.

Normally, The Brat would not stick around long enough to say hello. Today, we can't get her out of the living room. It is like this any time his buddies come over.

And she keeps getting in trouble for chasing boys at school.

And this is only the beginning...Heaven help me.

Mail Call

To all my friends, thanks to you sending me chain letters in 2003/2004.

* I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing toilet stains.

* I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.

* I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

* I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.

* I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

* I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they contain may turn me gay.

* I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.

* I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

* I think I'm turning gay because when I go to parties, I don't look at any girl no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

* I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that was about to die in the hospital about 7,000 times. Funny that girl, she's been 7 since 1993 . . .

* I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program.

* My Ericcson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid vacation to Disneyland.

* But I am positive that all this is the cause of a stinking chain that I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 10 seconds, a bird will crap on you today at 7pm.

Interesting

I love tattoos (I have three). I will be getting another one as soon as I can afford it.

I thought this story was interesting. A story written entirely through tattoos.

Hmmm...Where do I sign up?

My Kind of Police Car

I want to join this police department.

But only if I can drive the car.

What?!?!?!

Louisiana is talking about making low-slung pants illegal.

Hello? What century are we in??

This morality thing is getting out of hand when lawmakers start telling us how we can dress. It is bad enough they tell us what we can watch and listen to; now they are telling us what we cannot wear?

I understand the human form offends some people, but I am not talking nudity. Seeing nude people does not upset me. Once my kids are gone from the house, I probably will live most of my life naked.

Seing some dork walking around with his pants hanging down over his underwear doesn't offend me. Nor does seeing a girl with low-slung pants.

The do, however, look stupid. But that is just an opinion. Some people must like that look.

But I would never consider telling a stranger how to dress. If they want to look stupid, that is a personal choice.

Blogrolling

Okay, how come my blogroll is no longer working? And I cannot get into the blogrolling site?

Congratulations!

Old Karl has graduated from heart therapy.

I hope all goes well for him.

Naughty Gnomes

This is getting ridiculous!

While most garden gnomes fish or enact scenes of bucolic tranquillity, ex-army sergeant Tony Watson's models in this northern English town bared their breasts and buttocks, prompting complaints from the public.

Those are the only kind of gnomes I would have in my yard.

American Idol

Okay, does Fantasia's voice drive everyone nuts?

I cannot stand her voice. Singing or talking.

She should have been gone a long time ago, but for some reason she is still in there. I wish LaToya was still in the game. I loved her voice.

My favorite is still Diane DeGarmo or however you spell her name.

Mail Call

An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure chief, coming right up."

He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee, the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the Bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "Me want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the hell was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says, "Me training for upper Management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot shit, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for
rest of day."

Mail Call

An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"

The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of it and enters the house.

He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl, and tells them: "Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem. However, I can't marry her because of my personal family situation, but I'll take charge.

If a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beach villa and a $1,000,000 bank account.

If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $2,000,000 bank account.

If it is twins, a factory and $1,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "Then you try again."

Happy Birthday, Nee!

Today is Nee's birthday.

Head on over there and wish her a happy birthday!

For Norman

Norman wants to know:

"I'm confused. You went out on a date with a beautiful woman who was in fact a man, or a beautiful man who was a woman? "

I went out with a man, dressed like a beautiful woman. Her name was Ashley. I actually have no clue what his name was.

I met her when I was married to William (see below). We went to this really cool club in Reno and met up with her.

I didn't actually date Ashley, we just went clubbing together.

And, no, Norman, I didn't notice her adam's apple.

Another Meme

Snagged from Dragonbabble

1. RE: Blogrolls - Do you link just because you were linked? Or do you link because you actually read it?

I link because I read. I read every blog on my blogroll at least once a week. Most of them I read every day.

2. RE: Stupid Quizzes: Do you do them? If you do - do you do them because you think they're cute, fun and interesting? Or do you do them because you have absolutely no ideas in your head and have nothing else to blog about and you feel obligated to put something, anything up there?.

I do them because I like doing them. Most of them are a lot of fun. And who knows? One day I might learn something about myself.

3. RE: Other blogs - 5 (or more)blogs that have captured my attentions this week.

1. I Hate My Wife . I am becoming addicted to this one.

2. The Mind of Nee

3. Mom With Attitude.

4. Girlydyke

5. Everything's Jake

Tuesday is Choose Day

Would you rather:

1. one day at a job you like, have your boss catch you masturbating OR sending out resumes to other employers?


Sending out resumes. Masturbating at work? Eeeewwww!!!!


2. be seen on a date with a beautiful woman that was actaully a man OR be seen on a date with a really ugly skank that smelled bad (courtesy of genuine)


Beautiful man. (Done this one, actually)


3. be on a totally nude beach all day long (with no chance of escape) without any kind of sunscreen or shade OR use the nastiest construction-site port-o-potty (out of severe need) that is lacking toilet paper? (courtesy of shaunacat)


Nude Beach. Just keep flipping. And bury yourself in sand.


4. be the first one to know the world is ending OR be the last one to know the world is ending? (courtesy of ilgondo)


I want to be the first. There is so much I would like to do and say.

Part 2

We had been living in the apartment for just a short time. We didn't even have any furniture yet except for the tv.

Asshole and I were laying on the floor watching tv. The kids were upstairs asleep. I had my head on Asshole'sleg, just for lack of pillows.

Suddenly, I had a feeling of being watched. I sat up and looked around.

Will was standing in the back window staring at us. If looks could kill, we would both be dead. I have never seen such a horrible look before or since.

I asked him what he wanted and he gave some lame excuse, but I knew he just wanted to see what was going on.

I called his mom the next day. She flew down from Alaska and picked him up.

I have never seen him again. But I have never gotten a divorce from him. I don't even know where he is.

Why didn't I get a divorce? Because if I get a divorce, I am free to make that mistake again. And I don't want to get married again. Twice was enough.

So anyway, that's the story. And I'm sticking to it.

Happy Birthday

Today is my future ex-husband's 30th birthday. Huh?

Okay, okay, I'll tell you the story.

In 1995, I met a man named William. Fell head over heels and married him. We were married on October 20th. It was a quiet affair. Just William, myself and my three kids.

We were married in a small chapel in Carson City, NV.

We lived in a decent-sized apartment in a not-so-good area of town. After a few months, we managed to get into a beautiful house. I loved that house. It was in a good area and there was a fenced-in backyard.

In the summer of 1996, Will started to really get into meth. He was dealing it and doing it and all the stuff that goes with it. He wouldn't sleep for weeks. Literally, 2-3 weeks at a time.

He started to get really paranoid. He quit his job and decided to be a mechanic from our garage for money. Meanwhile, I was working full-time for the state.

He wouldn't let me leave the house except to go to work. He would stand in the doorway while I went to the bathroom because "they're watching." He would sit on the toilet while I took a shower. I couldn't open any curtains. All because "they're watching."

We had opened our home and let some friends live with us while they got back on their feet. I did not know at that time, how bad the drug problem had gotten.

One day, The Brat's dad came to me and said we needed to talk. He is a police officer. He told me that there were undercover cops in my house that morning buying drugs. All while our daughter was sleeping in the next room.

I immediately went home and kicked everyone except Will, the kids and Asshole out of the house. Yes, Asshole was living with us. He was one of Will's friends.

Will managed to get his drug use under control, I thought.

At Thanksgiving, I told Will he needed to move out. He said we could work it out. Within a short time, we were told we had to move out of the house. I could no longer pay the rent on it.

On Christmas Day, Will and I had a huge fight. He tried to hit me, but hit the wall instead. At that point, I kicked him out. We were completely out of the house by Jan 1.

The kids went to stay at one house, and I went to stay with another friend. I swore that would never happen again. And it hasn't.

Will started stalking me. He would know where I went, who I was with, everything. It was really scary.

I finally found a cheap apartment and the kids and I moved into it as soon as possible.

Will was still following me everywhere, so Asshole moved in with us.

(to be continued)

The Swan

Have you noticed on The Swan that all the women look alike when they are done?

They all have that high eyebrow arch and same poofy lips. I can't stand that poofy lip look. Eeewww!!! It makes me want to take a needle and pop their lips.

If someone has naturally poofy lips, that's okay. I can handle that. It's just when there is no shape, just blobs for lips.

And the eyebrows? Why the constantly surprised look? How is that sexy???

I would love to have a tummy tuck. But most of what they are doing on that show can be done with makeup. Why go thru the pain if you don't have to?

I can see surgery for noses, tummies and butts. And maybe some of the chins. But cheeks and eyebrows? No way.

Oprah's On

I am sitting here watching Oprah. Wynonna is on there. She has been talking about her weight battle.

Man, a lot of what she is saying describes how I feel so clearly!

If she can do it, I can do it. She talks about using the food as an alternative to love. That is so true. I have found myself doing that.

When Asshole is not being nice, or when he is not around and I am feeling down, I head for food. If I get bored, I eat. I have even found that I eat even when nothing sounds good - just to eat. Just to feel better. Does that make sense?

I can count my true friends on one hand. How may people do you talk to on a regular basis? Other than family?

I need to get out. Can't be church. So I guess I will have to start doing volunteer work somewhere. Then maybe I can find someone to talk to on a regular basis.

I love WF, but she is 300 miles away. And, well, I need to talk about Asshole, so I can't talk to him.

I guess that is why I started this Blog. I needed to vent and had no where to do that. So, thank you to everyone who has stopped by and said hello.

Mother's Day

So, how did you spend Mother's Day?

My day started all alone in the house. Asshole was at work and both kids were over at their friend's.

I blogged and played Mario Party for a few hours. Then The Brat came home. She gave me a bowl she made on art. I now have a matching set. She gave me one for Christmas, too.

She also gave me a cute card she had made. I love the stuff the kids make in Elementary School.

Then last night, we all sat and watched the thunderstorms roll through our area. Our power went out for about 30 minutes and we sat in the dark and watched the light show.

No tornados in our area (thank the Gods), but there were several touchdowns north of us.

I will go up next month to Detroit Lakes and get my Mother's Day present to myself - a new tattoo. I can hardly wait.

Hope you guys all had a good Mother's Day!

Hell of a Way to Die

Man Fatally Bitten By Sexually Aroused Horse

All I can say is - Stay the hell out of the way next time!

New Blogger

I have decided to be a guinea pig. I have added the Blogger comments to my blog. Hope this shit works.

I have left the HaloScan Comments on there for now. Use whichever you choose. If Blogger works, I will go with them since they say they will notify me when I have comments. I would have to pay for that service thru HaloScan.

Let me know which is better.

Happy Mothers Day

I just wanted to wish everyone an Happy Mother's Day!

And for those of you that haven't done anything for the mother of your children - SHAME ON YOU!!!