Mel is going to be so jealous!!

Just wait until Mel hears about this one.

She loves Keifer. But who am I to talk...I would have liked to have seen it, too.

Catfish eats dog

Excuse me?

Catfish eats dog

Okay, so it was a giant catfish eating a Dachsund, but still...

Does that make the dog cat food or fish food?

Singer Laura Branigan dies

Singer Laura Branigan died in her sleep today.

Blessed Be, Laura Branigan. Your music will always remind me of happy times.

Over A Year

I have been blogging for over a year now. I don't remember the exact date. I was on another system then. But September 5 will mark my 1 year on Blogger, and I was on Ixnow.com for a couple months before I switched to Blogger.

I started writing a blog after reading an artice in the Star Tribune about blogs.

The first on I got hooked on was Buddha's. He was still at Ixnow.com back then.

Then he got me hooked on Captain and Swirlspice.

From there, things just got a little out of hand. Now I have lots of blogs I read a lot.

It's amazing to look back on what I wrote and how my style of writing has and hasn't changed.

I sure am a lot more relaxed about it now.

Another Meme

Stolen from Rose.

Fifty things.

1. Your name spelled backwards: ycrA'D

2. Where were your parents born? Oregon and Washington

3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Google Toolbar

4. What's your favorite restaurant? Outback Steakhouse

5. Last time you swam in a pool? May, I think.

6. Have you ever been in a school play? Oh, yeah. Lots of them.

7. How many kids do you want? I have 3. Isn't that enough?

8. Type of music you dislike most? Rap, hip-hop and jazz

9. Are you registered to vote? You betcha. Kerry/Edwards 2004!!

10. Do you have cable? Not at this point

11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? Nope. Hoping to buy one soon.

12. Ever prank call anybody? Is Seymour Butz there? No, I haven't.

13. Ever get a parking ticket? Nope. Just speeding.

14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? No way!

15. Farthest place you ever traveled. I've been around the world. Sicily, Italy, Phillipines, Guam

16. Do you have a garden? Nope.

17. What's your favorite comic strip? Zits

18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? Yes.

19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Shower in the morning. I very rarely take baths.

20. Best movie you?ve seen in the past month? Hellboy

21. Favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni and Black Olives

22. Chips or popcorn? Both.

23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? Don't usually wear any.

24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? I didn't know you could. Is this like the poor man's version of pot?

25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Hell no!

26. Orange Juice or apple? Apple. Orange juice makes me want to heave.

27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? I took the kids to Wendy's last night.

28. Favorite type chocolate bar? Hershey's without Almonds

29. When was the last time you voted at the polls? Last fall.

30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Last summer

31. Have you ever won a trophy? Nope

32. Are you a good cook? Nope. I don't cook unless I absolutely have to. That's a man's job.

33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? Of course. Where do you think I live - Oregon?

34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? Yes. Insteads.

35. Sprite or 7-up? 7-Up is the best. Especially when you are sick.

36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Yep. When I worked for the Sheriff's Office.

37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? Never shop at Pharmacy's.

38. Ever throw up in public? Oh yeah. Alcohol does strange things to you.

39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? True Love

40. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes.

41. Ever call a 1-900 number? Unfortunately, yes.

42. Can ex's be friends? No. I think you can be civil to them, but not "friends".

43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? My friend had a baby. He's so cute!

44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? Yes, full head of hair.

45. What message is on your answering machine? Don't have an answering machine.

46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character? The Shark.

47. What was the name of your first pet? Frisky. A beautiful orange tabby.

48. What is in your purse? Credit cards and money.

49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? Have sex

50. What is one thing you are grateful for today? I have a place to live.

My thoughts exactly.

My Mother

I know I don't talk about my mother a lot. I'm not sure why.

I have the world's greatest mother.

I mean it. She is totally awesome! She sent me that horrendous joke I posted a few minutes ago.

In the past 30+ years, my mother has never made a derogatory comment about me. She has never said I shouldn't (or coundn't do something).

I have tattoos and piercings. My mother simply said, "That's interesting." Or "I kind of like that."

No lectures after I got pregnant in high school. Se just simply dealt with it and helped me.

Oh I knew she was disappointed, but she never lectured me about something that was already done and couldn't be fixed.

I worry about her now. She and my father live in a motor home. And my father has lots of health problems. She is totally ignoring her own health.

That worries me.

Anyway, she is always sending me crazy jokes and comments. She doesn't read my blog. Doesn't know where it is. Oh, she knows I have one, but she also knows there are things on here she doesn't want to know.

Have you hugged your mom lately? I won't get to hug mine again for another year.

That sucks.

Mail Call

LUTHERAN AIRLINES, INC.
YA, SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN MINNESNOWTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT DAKOTA, AND MOONTANA. TRY IT, YOU VILL LIKE IT!

If you are traveling soon, consider Lutheran Air, the no-frills airline. You're all in the same boat on Lutheran Air, where flying is an uplifting experience There is no first class on any Lutheran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert.

Basses and tenors please sit in the rear of the aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by freewill offering and the plane will not land until the budget is met. Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you with the safety system aboard this Lutheran Air 599.

Okay then, listen up: I'm only gonna say this once. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so will Captain Olson because we fly right around 2000 feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably indicate the Second Coming or something of that nature, and I wouldn't bother with those little masks on the rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger things to worry about than that. Just stuff those back up in their little holes. Probably the masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest with you, we're going to have quite a bit of at 2000 feet ... sort of like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it.

In the event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying the Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to the part about forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us, which some people say "trespass against us," which isn't right, but what can you do?

The use of cell phones on the plane is strictly forbidden, not because they may interfere with the plane's navigational system, which is seat of the pants all the way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in the wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mouth on the side of your head.

We're going to start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style with the coffee pot up front. Then we'll have the hymn sing; hymnals in the seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours with you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kidding!

Right now I'll say Grace:
"Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest
and let these gifts to us be blest.
Father, Son, and Holy Ghost,
may we land in Duluth or pretty close.
Amen."

First Time For Everything

This got me to thinking about something I saw on our trip.

I have seen and done a lot of things in my 30 some years on this planet. But I saw something new on my trip west.

I saw a hooker.

I mean, I have seen them in bars. I have seen them in whorehouses. I have even seen them in motels with people I know. Hell, I once purchased a hooker's time for a friend (long story...another post).

But this was the first time I had ever seen a hooker on the side of the road, looking to pick up business.

And just where do you think this was? Some big city like Portland maybe? Oh no...I was in Rapid City, SD.

Yes, I said South Dakota. I was so shocked I almost missed my turn. It just wasn't quite what I expected to see.

I guess you can see new things in life. Even if you are old as the hills.

Boobs Not Bullets

This story is all over the internet.

Eric has done a piece about liking natural bodies. I have to agree with him for the most part.

I have been losing some weight, and would love to have a tummy tuck to get rid of the extra flab.

As for boobs, mine are large enough, thank you. I don't have the B cup problem though. Mine is the opposite. I have enough for me and you both.

Why would anyone want to make them larger? I cannot even imagine!

• They are always in the way.
• They make your back hurt
• Men don't look you in the face
• Are you looking at me because I am attractive? Or because I have big tits?
• Buying clothes is next to impossible.
• You can't buy $5 bras at Wal-Mart. (Try $35 bras online!)
• And lingerie NEVER fits!

So next time you see some fake ones, ask yourself what kind of dumbass would want all that?

People Suck

I bought myself a magnetic yellow ribbon for my car.

You know, like the ones from this site.

Anyway, someone STOLE it from my van. Took it right off.

What kind of jerk would steal something like that?

Letter to a Dork

I just read this over at JustMe.

Laughed my ass off!

Wedding Anniversary

My wedding anniversary was last week. Or it would have been if I was still married to him.

We got married August 18, 1988, in Mesa, AZ. We eloped.

He was stationed at Port Hueneme, CA. He had been in Puerto Rico for 6 months in the SeaBees. He had only been back in the states for a couple weeks.

I had met him in Sigonella, Sicily, almost 2 years before. I got pregnant right before he left Sicily. We had plans to get married as soon as we both got back to the states.

We split up after our son was born. We had a major disagreement about the name. He wanted to name him after his murdered brother. I refused. We agreed to split up.

Anyway, he came home in August and came down to see us in Mesa. We stayed up almost all night talking. He was supposed to drive home the next day. We only had a few hours to be together.

While we were talking, he suddenly pulled out a set of wedding bands. Tells me that he bought them on base and wanted to know if I still would marry him.

I told him yes.

The next morning, I had to go to work. (I woke up with laryngitis.) I worked until lunchtime, then met him at the local wedding chapel.

After we got married, we went to lunch at Carl's Junior, then I went back to work.

I called my mom from work and told her what we had done. She was stunned, but very excited. Both of my parents really liked him.

They sent me home from work early.

That night, before he left to go back to California, mom and dad made us dinner and went and bought a wedding cake. It was chocolate with blueberry frosting. I have a picture of it somewhere.

I loved him very much, and I guess some part of me always will. He was, and is, a great dad.

I am very glad I am no longer married to him, but there are times I really miss talking to him.

Isn't this just a darling man?

Gershwin

Eric got me started on the show tunes.

So now I am listening to an all Gershwin radio station.

It's all his fault.