Mail Call

I received this from my mom this morning:

Dusting

"A house becomes a home when you can write "I love you" on the furniture."

I can't tell you how many countless hours that I have spent CLEANING! I
used to spend at least 8 hours every weekend making sure things were just
perfect -"in case someone came over." Then I realized one day that no one came over; they were all out living life and having fun!

Now, when people visit, I find no need to explain the "condition" of my home. They are more interested in hearing about the things I've been doing while I was away living life and having fun. If you haven't figured this out yet, please heed this advice.

Life is short. Enjoy it! Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better to paint a picture or write a letter, bake a cake or plant a seed, ponder
the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time, with rivers to swim and mountains to climb, music to hear and books to read, friends to cherish and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out there with the sun in your eyes, the wind in your hair, a flutter of snow, a shower of rain. This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind, old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go -- and go you must -- you, yourself will make more dust!

Pet Peeve of The Day

I have several IM programs (AIM, MSN, Yahoo, ICQ). I use them all at one point or another. Mostly to keep track of family members. My phone bill dropped drastically with the installation of AIM.

I don't mind getting messages from people I don't know - usually. If they are of the "Hi, I live in MN, too. Just wanted to say Hi" type. The ones that irritate me are the ones that usually start with "Hi, do you like to lick pussy?"

None of your damn business, is it?

Yesterday, I got a message from someone I had never heard of. Went something like this:

Weirdo: Hi
Me: Hi
W: ASL plz
M: Not a chance. Who are you?
W: Well, you look like a fffaaaaattttttyyyyyyy
M: Fuck Off

WTF? I immediately banned them from talking to me ever again.

ICQ messages always come from idiots in Turkey or Egypt or the UAE. And they all want the same thing.

In my ICQ profile, I plainly say, "DO NOT IM me for cybersex. It only pisses me off."

Can you people not read English? You can type it, and you can read what I am saying, so what part of that statement can you not understand????

I love to talk. I spend most of my day talking. And I will talk to almost anyone. But if I want to have sex, I will go in the bedroom and have sex. With or without Asshole.

And if I want to have sex with a stranger, I will go down to the bar and pick some guy up for sex. Not that difficult.

But why would I want to have sex with someone I cannot even see???

Dumbasses.

Ex-Ore. Gov. Admits Sex With Minor in '75

Wow! I met Neil Goldschmidt a couple of times. Of course, I was only about 10 or 11.

Tell Us What You Think, God.

Mom With Attitude has a great post about what God is thinking and feeling.

She said it better than I ever could have.

Mail Call

A man goes to see Mel Gibson's new movie, The Passion,
and is inspired to take his family to Israel to see the
places where Jesus lived and died. His mother-in-law joins them.

While on vacation his mother-in-law dies.
An undertaker in Tel Aviv explains that they can ship
the body home to Kentucky at a cost of $10,000 or
the mother-in-law could be buried in Israel for US $500.

The man says, "We'll ship her home."
The undertaker asks, "Are you sure? That's an awfully
big expense and we can do a very nice burial here."
The man says, "Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here
and three days later he rose from the dead.
I just can't take that chance."

Stuff

Stolen from GirlyDyke.

10 bands you have been listening to a lot lately:
Queen
Rascall Flats
Montgomery Gentry
Lynyrd Skynyrd
Toby Keith
Brooks & Dunn
George Strait
She-Daisy
Chris Cagle
Kenny Chesney

9 things you look forward to:
We-Fest
Payday
Vacation
Seeing We-Fester
Going to Missouri
Hugs from The Brat
Baseball games
Tubing Trips
Quiet time

8 things you like to wear:
Shorts
Cleavage shirts
Jeans
Nothing
My We-Fest Hat
New Shoes
New Anything
Dangly earrings

7 things that annoy you:
People that don't realize that the fast lane is for going fast
George Bush
the pope
stupid people
bigots
People in drive-thru ordering for 15 people
Egotistical men

6 things you say most days:
Dumbass
Ting!
Dork!
Get off the road!
Don't tip it over!
Bite me!

5 things you do every day:
Shower
Drive Buttboy to school
Check E-Mails
Look For Work
Clean the living room

4 people you want to spend more time with:
We-Fester
Dawn
Stef
Gretchen

3 movies you could watch over and over again:
Bull Durham
Too Wong Foo
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

2 of your favorite songs at the moment:
Passenger Seat - She-Daisy
Melt - Rascall Flats

1 person you could spend the rest of your life with:
There is no such person

Change in Comments

Okay, I gave in. I have changed my comments over to HaloScan.

Hope everyone is happy.

He's Alive

But only for the moment.

I just got off the phone with asshole. I called his boss' cellphone. AH told me "started drinking beers and shootin' the shit."

F you! And you can't be bothered to give me a call?

AARHRHRHHHRHGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here I sit...

Stressing. I don't know what else to do, so while I wait, I will tell you stories.

When I was 16, I was a wild child. I don't remember having a curfew. If I did, I didn't obey it. As long as my parents knew where I was, they were pretty lenient. It was nothing for me to go to keggers or spend nights at my buddy's house. My parents always thought I was over at Hope's house.

One night there was a kegger up on Emigrant Flats. That is about a 40 minute drive from home. I went with Woody and some other guy. I don't remember who.

Woody had this old beat-up Mustand he was so proud of. I don't think he had it very long before we went up there. everything was cool on the way up. We giggled and laughed all the way up the mountain.

We got to the party and started drinking. Tap beer. I don't even like beer, but it was alcohol and it was cool, so I drank beer. After a while, Woody and some other guy got into it. I have no clue what started it, but I know Woody got really pissed.

Next thing I know, Woody is headed out the door. Since he was my ride, I had to go, too. So, Woody, the other guy and I jumped into the 'Stang and headed home.

If you have ever been to Northeast Oregon, you know it gets really cold up there in November. That night it was running about 15 below without wind chill. It was damn cold. And it was snowing. Not good for a smartass with a lead food in a bad mood.

I remember Woody going way too fast for the corners. I yelled at him to slow down, but it was too late. Next thing I know, we are sliding off the edge of the road. All I could think was that we were going to die.

We slid off the road and slid to a stop on an angle next to a grove of trees. We hoofed it back up to the road, uninjured. As we walked back to the cabin, I can distinctly remember beating Woody all the way back. Fortunately, we all had enought antifreeze in us, we didn't really feel the cold.

When we got back to the cabin, the dad at the cabin told us he would give us a ride to town tomorrow. Tomorrow? That meant I had to call my parents and tell them I wouldn't be home until tomorrow. I was supposed to be at the roller skating rink. Ooops!

I don't remember what my parents said to me when I called. I do remember I was grounded for some time.

The following morning, the dad loaded the three of us in his extended cab pickup and took us home. It was a white extended cab pickup and it reeked like diesel fuel and oil.

The amazing thing was I was about 3 weeks pregnant at that time. No clue I was pregnant. Miracle I didn't lose that child that night. I continued to spend a lot of time with Woody. (No, he was not the dad.) He was a lot of fun, and I loved spending time with him.

When I was in high school, I was teased a lot. Needless to say, I didn't much like the guys in my school. Woody treated me like a person. To this day he holds a special place in my heart. I ahve no desire to go to a high school reunion, but I would like to see him again. I know he got married, but that is all I know.

If I ever see him again I would like to thank him for being there when I needed him.

And beat him for trying to kill me that night!

???

Okay, here's the deal...Asshole has a job that requires him to work every night until dark. When he does come home, he looks like he has been working in the coal mines. He is completely black from head to foot. He needs a shower as soon as he gets off work.

Normally, he is home by 8 or 8:30. He comes home, we have something to eat. Then we sit around and watch tv and he tells me about all he did that day. Very rarely does this change.

The last 2 nights in a row, he has slept on the couch and not talked to me other than one or two words.

Tonight, he has not come home. It is now almost Midnight and he has not come home. I tried calling the cell phone, but no answer.

Do I panic and call the local police and hospital?
Do I write it off and go to bed?
Do I stay up all night stressing?

Oh, and did I mention that his boss' sister is in town. She got here Monday. Hmmm...coincidence?

Aggravated

I just read a great post by a fellow blogger about an episode in his past that continues to bug him. It was a gut-wrenching scenario and my heart goes out to him. The reason I am not linking to him is because I have a rant about something that was said in the comments.

Some guy by the name Mike said something about God giving us life lessons. Like the only reason the blogger was in this scenario was because God said he should learn from it. Puhleeze!

Nothing makes me more irritated than people who say "God only throws at you what you can handle."

Can't you people just say "Oh, wow, I feel for you!"

Instead, you have to make it into some kind of Life Lesson By God.

We all thank the Gods for things that have happened to us. And yes, life does teach us lessons in many ways. But it doesn't have to be a lesson from God each time.

I'm done now.

The Patriot Blog!

The Patriot Blog! :: General :: Future President, Current Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty

I think this is the first time I have ever read a political statement I totally agreed with.

Especially from a Republican.

A roller coaster of emotions

Go read this.

I sobbed.

DragonBabble

Stolen from DragonBabble.

Tuesday:
Questions For May 4th
Goofy...
1. Ketchup or Mustard?: Ketchup (not catsup)
2. Chocolate or Vanilla?: Chocolate
3. Blue Eyes or Brown?: One of each?
4. Cotton or Satin?: Cotton
5. Winter or Summer?: What's summer? (Oh, you mean construction!)

I know I'm a day late, but what the hell?

Female Body Part Names

I was reading this post over at GirlyDyke and it reminded me of a story.

Several years ago, I was married to Mr. DrugSnort. We had a great friend named Trish. She was young, only about 19 at the time. We took her out and got her totally shit-faced.

On the way home, we had to drive on the roller-coaster roads. You know those - they go up and down and up and down.

Anyway, she starts feeling poorly (heh!), so we start telling her that her parents bumped fuzzies. And that she came out of her mommy's fuzzy. Man! I thought that poor girl was going to hurl right there!

I don't think she ever forgave us for that! If I ran into her today, she would probably say, "Do you remember telling me I came from my mommy's fuzzy?"

Too funny!!

I Hate My Wife

"What do you call a lesbian with thick fingers? - Well Hung"

This an hysterical blog. Obviously this man is very much in love with his wife, but he is so completely male, it makes it a lot of fun!

Legalize Marijuana

"Montel Williams threw his support behind legalizing medical marijuana in New York, saying pot helps him cope with multiple sclerosis.
Williams, who was diagnosed with the neurological disease in 1999, said he uses marijuana every night before bed to relieve the pain in his legs and feet."

I also fully support the legalization of marijuana. No, I do not smoke it. Yes, I have tried it.

I have seen what it does for my brother who has severe pain from injuries caused by a car accident. I have also seen what it does for my future MIL who has MS.

It make life bearable for so many people. There has never been a single person that has been killed by smoking pot. It's not like tobacco: it doesn't give you lung cancer. But cigarettes are still legal.

Even alcohol can kill you if you drink enough. But there has never been a single case of overdose with marijuana. But alcohol is still legal.

So, why isn't marijuana legal?

Feeling Better

Yes, I am feeling better. WF and I both got extremely sick. Bad case of Food Poisoning from the local Godfather's.

I went through 1-1/2 rolls of toilet paper and lost 10 pounds in less than 24 hours.

Yuk!!!!

TV Tuesday

TV Tuesday
(Do I have to tell you how this works - again?)

1. Who is/was your favorite TV mom?

Grace from Grace Under Fire

2. Was she a realistic mother, or more of a TV fantasy type?

Definitely a real mother.

3. Which TV mom did you find the most unrealistic? Or if you’d rather: creepy – sappy – mean – you choose the adjective, and you name the mom.

The mom I liked least was the Cosby mom. She never seemed real to me.

~Bonus~ No disrespect to your dear old mum, but which TV mom did you think it might be neat to have as your own?

I always wanted to have Roseanne as my mom. She had cool punishments and that family had a lot of fun.

It's Tuesday already?

Today is a special celebrity edition of tuesday is chooseday! so, either leave your answers or a link to your webpage with your responses.

Would you rather:

1. While camping, have to cut your arm off with a pocket knife because it got stuck under a boulder and you were trapped for three days OR suck snake venom out of a snake bite in richard simmons' ass?

I would have to cut my arm off. Because you can't cut your mouth off after touching Richard Simmons!!

2. Have both your feet amputated at the ankles OR be in a 10 round, bare-fisted, cage match with Mike Tyson?

Mike Tyson

3. Perform oral sex for 2 minutes on Paris Hilton OR Anna Nicole Smith?

Anna. I think she would be a lot more fun in bed.

4. Be in a big-budget, action flick with Paul Reubens (Pee Wee Herman) OR a low-budget, artsy film with Jesse Ventura?

This one is easy. Jesse all the way.

Another Meme

I snagged this from The Mind of Nee. I think I have done one like it before, but what the hell. Why not?

(X) I Have Been Drunk
(X) I Have Smoked Pot
( ) I Have Done Cocaine
(X) I Have Done Other Drugs
( ) I Have Thrown Up In A Bar
(X) I Have Flashed Someone
(X) I Have Posed Nude
(X) I Have Purchased Pornography
(X) I Have Been Caught Masturbating
(X) I Have Pissed On Myself
(X) I Have Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex
(X) I Have Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex
(X) I Have Made Out With A Stranger
( ) I Have Gone On A Blind Date
(X) I Have Been In Love
(X) I Have Been Dumped
(X) I Have Had Sex
(X) I Have Had Anal Sex
(X) I Have Had Sex In Public
(X) I Have Had Sex With A Member Of The Same Sex
(X) I Have Had Sex With A Co-Worker
(X) I Have Had Sex At The Office
( ) I Have Had Sex In A Dressing Room
(X) I Have Had Sex At A Friend`s House During A Party
(X) I Have Had Sex / Hooked Up With A Friend`s Sibling (And a sibling's friend)
(X) I Have Gotten Someone Drunk To Have Sex With Them
(X) I Have Had Sex With More Than 1 Person In The Same Week
(X) I Have Had A Threesome
( ) I Have Received Scars From My Sex Partner
(X) I Have Been Married
(X) I Have Been Divorced
( ) I Have Snuck Out Of My Parent`s House
( ) I Have Cut Myself On Purpose
( ) I Have Killed Someone
( ) I Have Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire
(X) I Have Crashed A Friend`s/Mom's Car (Actually, it was Dad's pickup)
( ) I Have Shoplifted
( ) I Have Stolen Something From My Job
(X) I Have Been Fired
( ) I Have Been In A Fist Fight
(X) I Have Been Tied Up
(X) I Have Been Arrested
(X) I Have Ridden In A Taxi
(X) I Have Lied To A Friend
(X) I Have Skipped School
(X) I Have Had A Crush On A Teacher
( ) I Have Celebrated Mardi-Gras In New Orleans
( ) I Have Celebrated New Years In Time Square
( ) I Have Been To Japan
(X) I Have Been To Europe
( ) I Have Been Snowboarding
( ) I Have Eaten Sushi

Wow. Ain't much I ain't done, huh? Maybe I should slow down....Nah, screw 'em!!!

Sick

Yes, I am sick.

Puking, shitting, gut-aching sick.

I will return after I feel better.

Light posting

Sorry for the light posting this weekend.

We-Fester has arrived and we are having an awesome time. I will tell you all about it later.

As for today, we are headed for a Twins game!!!

Hope you guys had a great weekend!

Go Twins!