Goodbye, my love

I lost Pat today. He was the best friend I ever had. He was sweet, loving, kind and a lot of fun. He was also a drug user, smoker and alcoholic.

He passed away this morning. Just two short months ago, we found out he had Stage 4 lung cancer.

I feel so guilty.

If I had not kicked him out three years ago, would he still be alive? The only time he ever went to the doctor was when I made him go. Would he have gone when he first started getting sick? 

I did get to see him before he died. I hadn't seen him since we broke up. He looked so good to me. I have missed him so much, but I knew I couldn't go on the way we were. It was too hard.

Maybe I should have given him another chance. Would that have saved his life?

Now, I will never know.