Boredom

I miss Pat tonight. I think it is probably just a kind of "empty nest syndrome". The kids are all out of the house tonight and I am bored stiff.

I am playing games at pogo.com and watching The Birdcage with Robin Williams and Nathan Lane.

I actually have this movie on VHS, but am watching it on network tv. Not sure why other than I am too lazy to actually get up and put the tape in the machine.

Lucas' cat had kittens today. She was so tiny when she came to us...she was obviously pregnant and had obviously been neglected. She was so skinny you could see and feel every bone in her body. Since she arrived, she has put on a lot of weight and is looking healthier every day.

She delivered five kittens all by herself today (gotta love cats -no assistance needed!). I was gone running errands and all the kids were gone. Guess she thought she should make good use of the quiet. Pepper is a tortoiseshell calico. Her kittens are orange tabby, grey and it looks like two little calicos. She is being so good. I'm impressed by her maternity instincts.

I packed all of Pat's stuff yesterday. That was really hard. I keep thinking of things I want to talk to him about. But those days are over. I really love Pat and I will miss him horribly, but I cannot go on living like we have. And he shows no sign of changing.

Life goes on.

My sister keeps telling me there are other fish in the sea, but at this point, I have no desire for any other man (or woman). After the debacle that this relationship has become, my standards are set pretty high. There are some men I would love to hang out with or be buddies with, but they live in other states (and at least one is married!).

At this time in my life, I am feeling pretty ugly and ragged. Huge and fat. Old and ugly. I definitely do not feel worthy of any man's love.

Maybe someday.